Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Not Everyone Understands

I just heard a quote that I LOVE from one of Brene Brown's books that I had to share with you.
"Choose people that earn the right to hear your story."
Some quotes are worth getting out the ink and pen to write. 
Not everyone will understand our struggles, our children's struggles, but the folks here will. I was directing this to the Dyslexia Facebook group that I below to. We know how our children struggle with the every day challenges of dyslexia. This is something not everyone will understand. We all have our issues, our challenges, that really are unique to only us. 
I have to say that was a hard one for me to learn. I've always had this need to fill the quiet space with words so I could help everyone understand our challenges. If they didn't understand, which most didn't, then I was sure I could make them understand by explaining more! Oh, Michelle. Why did you not know when to stop? I call this my introvertedness trying to be an extrovert, and simply just making myself sound like a crazy person. But who wants to hear about that...
Back to Brene Brown, If you don't know who she is you gotta listen to her TED talks or get one of her books. Don't let this scare you away, but she's a shame researcher. She's actually very entertaining to listen to, which you would not think go hand in hand.
Shame has always been on my radar because my children are adopted, and unfortunately that's always been one of the core parts of an adopted child. Now one of my children also has to deal with dyslexia (and ADHD), and we all know that shame is also a big part of that as well. The more I learn about it, the more I can help my kiddos deal with their own journey, and give them a positive, courageous story to tell.

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Not Just About Adoption.

The Great Explorers!

I've been thinking of changing focus on this blog for quite some time now. It'll still be about our family and this crazy journey through life (who's life isn't a little crazy?), but less about adoption. Adoption is always a part of our family naturally, but it's really not the main focus any longer. I've been feeling like I had so much more to say, but didn't really want to add it to this blog because, well, it didn't relate to adoption. Then I started thinking, why should it only be about adoption? It can be about everything that goes on in our lives! Sure, some subjects might actually be about adoption, but it doesn't have to be. So this lead me to change our blog title, and for some reason it makes me feel more comfortable to write about whatever!

Fall Freedom!

That being said. Raising children who are adopted does have many, many layers. Some things happen that's just regular ole' normal kid stuff, some normal adoption stuff, but there is always those parts that you just can't tell. Parts that are too complex for us to know if it's adoption related or not. Our kids are young, and they're not in a place where they even know, so we just deal with it the best that we can.
Taking time to enjoy the simple things.

Anyone that knows me, knows I don't take adoption challenges lightly. I have a psychologist and post adoption social worker on my speed-dial, and I'm not afraid to use it. They've been a great resource, and I'm so thankful for them. But we've come to a point in life that we really know our kids. We know when we need to take a step back and slow down. Life is so demanding, for kids AND adults. Knowing when we need to take a break and just be together is really key for us. The years prior to being parents was spent preparing, prepping and endless reading on what to watch out for, what to do in this situation, what not to do in this situation, etc., etc. Sure, all that preparing helped. It helped a lot! Especially during those transition years! Now we're in a place where it's just living life as our family, so that's what I'm gonna write about.

Friday, July 1, 2016

To our children: Thank you for keeping our son's memory alive.

Today, July 1st, our first born son, Riley, would’ve been 12 years old. It’s hard to believe it’s been that long ago. It’s something that never leaves you. Though I have to admit there were many times I didn’t want to remember. It hurt too much to think about it, and all I wanted to do was forget.
Sometimes adopting can be a very difficult choice, but not for us. Ted and I already talked about adopting our 2nd child when we first started talking about having children. I really had no desire to attempt another pregnancy and relive my experience. The child I wanted was gone, and we were never going to recreate that same child.
We had so many almost-adoptions that there was a time I feared I would never be a parent. BUT one day we got a call about Nick, and we knew. It was still a scary process, but what a relief when Nick was finally officially ours!
I had no idea that Nick, someone who’s never even met our first born, would keep his memory alive. Nick always had a way of questioning things (like all kids) about his brother who only lived for a day, but he did it in such a caring and loving way that it wasn’t painful for me to answer those questions. I realized our son’s memory was always going to kept alive by Nick. He never lets a week go by in the 6 1/2 years that he’s been with us. Though they never met, Nick envisions meeting his brother one day. He loves talking about what they’d do together, and no words can express how much I love that.
That’s just Nick’s part of the story. His sister has her own part in it. She carries the name. Many of you know the story, but just in case you don’t know. Here it is.
I just have to thank my beautiful children for helping me be brave and remember, for helping me keep his memory close to my heart and for helping me envision my family of five together one day. I love you!