Friday, July 1, 2016

To our children: Thank you for keeping our son's memory alive.

Today, July 1st, our first born son, Riley, would’ve been 12 years old. It’s hard to believe it’s been that long ago. It’s something that never leaves you. Though I have to admit there were many times I didn’t want to remember. It hurt too much to think about it, and all I wanted to do was forget.
Sometimes adopting can be a very difficult choice, but not for us. Ted and I already talked about adopting our 2nd child when we first started talking about having children. I really had no desire to attempt another pregnancy and relive my experience. The child I wanted was gone, and we were never going to recreate that same child.
We had so many almost-adoptions that there was a time I feared I would never be a parent. BUT one day we got a call about Nick, and we knew. It was still a scary process, but what a relief when Nick was finally officially ours!
I had no idea that Nick, someone who’s never even met our first born, would keep his memory alive. Nick always had a way of questioning things (like all kids) about his brother who only lived for a day, but he did it in such a caring and loving way that it wasn’t painful for me to answer those questions. I realized our son’s memory was always going to kept alive by Nick. He never lets a week go by in the 6 1/2 years that he’s been with us. Though they never met, Nick envisions meeting his brother one day. He loves talking about what they’d do together, and no words can express how much I love that.
That’s just Nick’s part of the story. His sister has her own part in it. She carries the name. Many of you know the story, but just in case you don’t know. Here it is.
I just have to thank my beautiful children for helping me be brave and remember, for helping me keep his memory close to my heart and for helping me envision my family of five together one day. I love you!

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